{M4} Gates (An Introduction)

After a long and stressful week of final exams, I am now free. FREE.
So I grab Helle, my penny board, and my Canon 60D for a little filming session on the road. I didn't go far, the locale of this video is the park at the back of my neighbourhood. I wanted to make an experimental film, so I did, and so I will. This is the start of my gigantic project; 'Mon' which means 'My' in French, and Mondays (much horrify. such terror. wow) and also Monsters. The film is based upon Freud's Psychoanalysis theory of the Uncanny and the id, also the theory of reel-life and real-life of people. We compare our backstage with people's font stage too much that we tried to make our backstage as good as people's front stage. We ended up trying too hard that we loose ourselves.
Don't go calling the depression help line/call centre just yet, I am perfectly not depressed. Not yet, anyway. Apart from the fact that I do not believe in any religion, but -at the back of my mind- I believe that the monster under my bed, or lurking in the shadow in the darkest corner of my room, is scared of me as much as kids are scared of them monsters. Maybe the reason why they are always in the shadow is because they, too, are afraid of us. Maybe they are not our counterparts, but a part of us. A part too deep inside we only see them in the dark.

I am sane.
But everyone thinks they are sane,
even the ones in the asylum.
I am sane,
as sane as sanity could reach me.

Embrace your monster.

23km Down the Rabbit Hole Production.

See you next week with a heaps of stuff (i.e. videos and blog entries) and new announcements coming this way.
Stay tuned.

Love, as always.
xx

Project:Mon

{010}; The planet on my shoulders

I've became quite vigilant about my grammar lately, especially when my IELTS exam is coming up. I used to be quite fluent in using English on daily basis, but now it's getting worse. I've never studied grammar before, and I don't even know the name of those tenses. I've been using my guts on what is grammatically correct and what is not for as long as I can remember. I suck at communicating with people, and therefore should retreat myself into the depth of the cave under the ocean.

Anyway, back to the main topic of today's blog, shall we ?

It's that moment in life when one chapter is ending and you can see the next chapter revealing itself in front of you, very vaguely, but you can still see the glimmering light. When you reach the last page of the chapter you are on, a blank space appears, separating this chapter from the next. A space for you to stop, take a deep breath, and picture what you want to see in the following chapter of your life. Maybe you'll see a cross-road, or a split pathway, or even another tunnel. The blank space in between are there for you to stop, choose your path, and take a solid step forward with confidence.

If you are graduating from High school and is not sure if pursuing a bachelor degree is the right path for you, take a gap-year.
If you are not sure if you should continue your studies in a graduate school or go straight into working, take a break and spend more time with yourself.
If you are not sure what you want to do in the near future, go out and seek your passion.

Those things are easier said than done.

If you do not have a bachelor degree, most companies are likely to not hire you. Except you are planning to go freelance then, in that case, please consult your family because they might not be able to handle your decision.
If you are thinking of taking a gap-year, please make sure your parents are alright with the idea because they would be the one paying for your expenses if you are not earning enough money from your part-time job.
If you would like to take a break to spend more time with yourself before deciding whether or not to go for a master degree, make sure you have enough money for your daily expenses.
If you are not sure what to do in the near future, your parents would probably want you to go into the business industry, or go get a master degree in management.

I might be wrong, or I might be too pessimistic, but this entry is based on my life.

What I want to do disappointed them.
I got away with doing a Bachelor of Arts because I got into a University they wanted their children to graduate from. My grandparents wanted to enter this university, but they didn't have the chance. I was the first member of the family to be able to get into the University, so they didn't quite mind which faculty I go to. Even though I wanted to go to a film school in the states. This is the best alternative.
I entered University at the age of 17, right after finishing my iGCSEs. I didn't take any A-Levels and used my iGCSEs results to apply for the Bachelor degree in Faculty of Arts.
I was in a rush to get into University because everyone around me wanted me to graduate as fast as I could. Every time the topic came up in a conversation, they would ask me when I would be graduating and that I should hurry up and graduate. It might have been the Thai way of encouraging your child to study harder, but I took it personally and literally to the point that weighs me down. Not only I've got my world on my shoulders, I've also go theirs. Each and every one of their expectations and their dreams.
In the back of my mind, there is this voice constantly reminding me that I am their biggest disappointment. They've expected more from me, being the oldest daughter/grand daughter and the only girl in the family.

Now that I am graduating with a Bachelor of Arts in Language and Culture, a degree that sounds pretty much useless to my family. Now that I am walking towards a cross-road, not knowing where to go. Now that what I want to do is the opposite to what my family expects me to do.
Now that I am their biggest disappointment, my two choices are:
1. Pursue their dreams, or
2. Pursue my dreams.
The first choice is a brightly lit path with nothing along the way, whereas the second one is a dark and gloomy tunnel with flashes of light along the way. It's like a choice between being like my mother or be an outcast of the family. I've never wish to be like my mother. Not because she's not good or anything. I love my mother and she is the greatest woman in this world, but mom lives a boring life. My mom never actually have time for me while I was growing up. I spent most of my childhood with my grandparents because my parents were busy working. I don't want that as my future, becoming a workaholic in an office all day and night. I don't want my children -if I were to have any- to grow up hating the work that took her parents away from her. I don't want to live that life.
For all my life, my mom always said that I would never be able to do what I wanted to do. I have low self-esteem problem because of this, and it's too late to fix it now.
When I was 12, I wanted to be a singer. I wanted to go to singing classes, but my mother told me I sounded like a howling whale and that the neighbours are complaining. She told me I would never be a singer and I should give up and do something useful.
When I was 17, I wanted to apply for a film school in New York, but my mother told me that filmmakers are not a career that would get you the money you need to survive. She told me that there are already famous filmmakers in the market and I have no chance in competing with them. She had never seen any of my videos, but she said it's not going to get me places.
Now that I am 21, I wanted to pursue my master degree in the UK, doing film criticism. She told me to get real and find a curse that you could make a career out of. She said I've spent too much time doing nonsense stuff rather than doing something useful like helping her out with work, or studying.
Up until this moment in my life, she had never seen any of my videos. None of them.

I am their disappointment and I am not capable of directing my own future.

Yeah, I could do whatever they wanted me to do, pursuing a Master degree in International Business or whatever, and still do whatever I want in my free time, or get a job in the film industry after graduation to prove them wrong.
I could, but how many people would hire me if i'm not from a film school into a film industry.

I thought about giving in to the plan they laid out in front of me, but a part of me said that I should not just abandon my passion just because someone constantly told you that you are a piece of shit.
I have a problem. I have low self-esteem thanks to my mom and her wise words of "your work are rubbish" and that I suck at everything. I am afraid to show my work off to people. I'm terrified to give opinions on some important issues (i.e. my future) or even talk to people with authority.

I am not blaming my mom or anything,
but because of her I've found my new passion in proving her wrong.

Maybe I'll get a degree in Management or any other sorts of business to impress my grandparents before shoving it into the trash and start doing what I really love. Hope people would hire me. If not, I'd still have my MBA, which is pretty much a basic degree everyone has, like a lightbulb, or a couch. My family's aim is to not be special, but to be like the majority because there are more chance to each enough money to support the family. They are not wrong, it's just boring. And I like to live my life on the run.

Well, I was going to write an inspirational entry, but it turns out to be a rant about the mindset of my family. I love my family and I am alive today because of them. Thank you for not supporting me in what I love so that I could prove you all wrong. That's my life goal.


PS: New short film coming soon.
PS2: #SeekingSeoul Day 2 coming soon as well
so stay tuned! :)

{M3} Rainbows are circles.

[This review contain spoilers for both the book and the film, please proceed at your own risk. If you haven't already watch the film, then please do. If you haven't read the book, then please do so. Also, this review will focus more on the film and it's cinematic effects, but the plots will also be mentioned as well. I got into a habit of not giving a proper title to my reviews, but you'll know soon enough what its all about. There would be no screen caps since the movie is still in theatres. Critical analysis of this movie will be out as soon as the DVD is out because there are aspects I would like to add to this review, aspects like how the romance plays out in the story, and a more in-depth analysis of characters and conventions. This, of course, will be right after The Guardians of the Galaxy.]

PS: Lily Collins is so pretty in this movie. The two main reasons why I went to watch this film even in the mist of projects and exams are because;
1. Lily Collins
2. Someone very special to me gave me this book as a souvenir from his trip to London long before it was made into a film. I remember finishing the book in 2 days, but spent the rest of the week sobbing in the corner of my room.

Excuse the grammatical mistakes, or any spelling mistakes, or just mistakes in the content. I was in a hurry to get everything down before memories start drifting away. I am a very forgetful person, and this has to change as soon as possible.

I've tried my best not to start my reviews off with a little, spoiler-free, synopsis and some little facts about the cast and crew. However, I think I've failed, miserably. I will not mention how sad the film was for me, because I believe the dolefulness cannot be measured, and is different from one another. Some might not think it's sad. Some might think it's sweet. Some might cry their heart out. Some might call it stupid. Films are personal preferences, and one should not judge another's preference based on their own preference. It was painful, but I walked out the cinema smiling. Maybe I've become attracted to sad love stories that gave me heartaches, but would also gave me warmth.

"Love, Rosie" starring Lily Collins and Sam Claflin
Directed by Christian Ditter

"Love, Rosie" is a film based on a novel "Where Rainbows End" by Cecelia Ahern which was published in 2004. The story is, basically, about two best friends, Alex and Rosie, falling for one another over and over again. It sounded simple enough to be just another chic-flick you take your girlfriend to watch on weekends. Do not let the simplicity of the plot fool you.

The way the story was told in the book was by letters, and then text messages, then came the internet and IMs and E-mails. It started off with Rosie inviting Alex to her 7th birthday party via a written letter. The use of letters had an effect on the story, not only because it's rare to have a book written completely in letters, but it creates an effect of ambiguity. What the reader knows is what was written by the characters. What they wrote may not exactly be what they were thinking at the time. They might have some other hidden thoughts or agendas, the ones that cannot be written. However, by using written messages as the main medium of communication all throughout the story shows that, no matter how far away they are physically, they will always think of one another first, and keeping in touch with each other is their priority.

As the adaptation goes, things has to be changed in order to suit the film's intention and its market. Some effects would work perfectly fine in books, but would look bloody ridiculous on screen. (The word 'bloody' was inserted there as a joke, but you'll fine out why later.) This is one of those examples. As stated above, the book was written purely as letters and E-mails without any dialogues, but that wouldn't work on screen. Imagine going into the theatre just to watch two characters reading letters in voice-overs. This film is a story 'based on' a book by Cecilia Ahern, and was told in a non linear narrative with some flashbacks into their past. It wouldn't be fair to judge this film according to the book because they are two different medias, and that both of them served it's purpose. The book gave us nostalgic feelings, and a little ambiguity for us to prey that the two get back together in the end. On the other hand, the film gave out the same vibe as other romantic love stories, just more melancholy and more painful to watch. The film served the book's purpose of telling a story of two best friends finding their way back to each other after thinking it was too late to be realising that they are completely in love with their childhood friend. Another major change in the film was the age they finally reunited. They were in their thirties in the film, but they were in their fifties in the book, which was even more heartbreaking. They spent most of their lives being with someone else, even when they knew there will never be anyone else for them other than each other. How misunderstandings could lead to a life time of misery.

Moving on to the cinematography of the film, the use of the vintage filter made it more nostalgic in a way that people would want to go back and hug their childhood friends. The majority of the film was in a warm tone, yet when they were in Boston, everything became cold and dark. The differences between Dublin and Boston were shown clearly in the film. Scenes in Dublin were mostly shot in warmer tone than scenes in Boston. Apart from the filter and the tones, the use of film grains emphasised the fact that they -the production crew- tries to create a nostalgic effect because we relate grained film with the old days. The scenes were also more grained in Dublin than in Boston.

There are not as many love scenes between Alex and Rosie since they spent most of their time apart, or was trying to figure their life out. However, overtime they kiss, the camera suddenly zoom into their lips in an extreme close up shot. This shows intimacy between the two of them, narrowing the audiences' attention to the hesitation they shared. This shot only occur when Alex and Rosie were about to kiss each other, and not when they kiss someone else. Moreover, when Rosie was crying after she've found out that she was pregnant, the camera zoomed into her face but is not stabilised. It felt as if the director was shaking the camera up and down on purpose, which made the scene not too still and more realistic. There are several long shots during the film which reveals the scenery of the town there were in and the roof top of Rosie's new place. Also, at the very end where the camera pan out of Rosie's hotel room and to the over landscape of the place. Not just the plot was beautiful, the cinematography was also beautiful. What I like the most is the way there were voice-overs before the scene shifted to the character who was talking. It hooked the montage together, linking it into one.

No films would be a 100 percent perfect (except for films that were made by Joss Whedon, purely because I am a part of the Whedonverse and that anything Joss does will be perfect.), and there are some aspects that obstructed the flow of the story. First of all, the way they tried to exaggerate their British accent gave me a headache. Don't get me wrong, I love listening to people with British Accent. Still, by adding the word 'bloody' in the middle of a sentence does not make it British. Besides, only the two main characters seems to be having the accent, where others speak normal English, even their friends from the same school, or Rosie's mother. I am well aware of the fact that Rosie and Alex were from Dublin, but that does not make it alright for just the two of them to be having a distinguish British accent. Further more, Rosie and Alex were supposed to age. Rosie looks like she was 18 since she was 18, until she was in her thirties, and so is Alex. There are make ups that would make actors look older than their age, or even younger. It was just strange watching a film where the characters were supposed to age, but they look exactly the same.

Let's talk about the title of the book for the last paragraph. For the title of the review, I wanted to point out the fact that rainbows are circles, and the end is also the beginning. The story's main problem started off before the school dance, which may be the reason why Alex came back -after all these years- to ask Rosie to go on a dance with him. Imagine a rainbow. Rainbows don't end. There would be no rainbows without any rainstorm, right?