"I sometimes forget to appreciate how beautiful this city is
because I was too busy rushing through the day."
The thought went through my head while I was gazing out the sky train window, absorbing the view of the red and orange sunset. When was the last time I took the sky train home? A year, maybe?
I like my personal space. I don't like getting too close to people. The train were jam-packed with people, even outside rush hours. I hate standing too close to people, I hate having physical contact with people in public, even with the ones I know, let alone strangers.
Living in the metropolis allows us to be anything, or become anyone. We can totally be ourselves, or that we think we are being ourselves. The urban allows us to construct, and expose, our identity in every way possible. We can be anything, we can be unique, but we will always be the same. Contradicting, isn't it? How hard we are trying to be unique, yet we would end up being the same. We are made and tempered in the same block, bending into the same shape by the society. There is no standing out in a community where everyone is already standing out, and there is no point in standing out when no one would be there to watch you. It's a paradoxical place we are living.
I was also told that people who romanticises small town life are the ones who didn't grow up in small towns. I grew up in the capital of this country, accustomed by the blasé attitude of the people around me as they rush through their days. I would love to try living in a small town for a change.
Since I got back from my trips to Singapore and Seoul, I didn't quite enjoy my life in this city. I wanted to go back to Seoul, and maybe live there for a while. Singapore was more crowed, but I feel safer than living here. In both Seoul and Singapore, I can roam around the streets at night because there will always be people, and it wouldn't feel as scary as it feels during the day time in this city. I've always wanted to leave this place behind and live somewhere else, somewhere safe and less sexist. Women are viewed as a sexual object in this country, and this ideology runs too deep for time to take it out of people's system. Boys weren't taught to respect women. Girls, on the other hand, were taught to wear "proper clothing" and avoid exposing any skin for boys might get thirsty and rape them. If they got raped, everyone would victimise the woman and conclude case by saying it's because the woman revealed too much skin because people were interpillated that way since they were little. Our culture's classical literatures would slut-shame women for being with more than one man, but idolise men for getting more than one girl. If the girl is raped, she became less than nothing, and no one would want her anymore, even her parents. Our soap operas encouraged this, and is the prime ISA for this ideology. It's a sad culture we are living in where this became the norm, and people are alright with it.
It wasn't that surprising, knowing that other countries nicknamed this city the capital city of sin. We are famous for those kinds of thing. I got asked quite a lot if I was actually a ladyboy, or that I would sleep with anyone if they paid me enough. For further reference, my answer will be NO to both of the questions. Just because the city has this reputation doesn't mean everyone in the city has to be like that. A city is a place where people gather together and settled for a settlement. Although we shared similar qualities, not all of us have the same traits, or preferences. Clearly you haven't been to all the parts of this city, and clearly you weren't that interested in the brighter side. In that case, it tells people more about you than the reputation people from this city carried on their shoulders.
If you come to Bangkok for sexual pleasure, that's fine. If you think every women in Bangkok, or from Bangkok, are either prostitutes or ladyboys, then maybe you should stop watching porn and start living a little.
I think every city is fucked up in its own way,
some are just more fucked up than others.
There is nothing wrong with the city. The city is fine, just like any other big cities. People passing by without stoping to look around them. Rushing throughout the day from the minute their feet touch the ground to the minute they jump back into their beds. Reading to this point, you might think I loath the city. That's not completely true. There are aspects in this city I cannot bare, and there are some sides to this place that I know I would miss when I leave for another city.
Love the city you are in, leave as often as you can in order to miss it when you return.
A few days ago, I started this board on Pinterest called 'My side of Bangkok' where I will be posting pictures of things I see during my daily life in the city. I wanted to boost the good reputation of the city up a bit. There are places yet to be explored by tourists. I've taken a few pictures, but I've only posted one so far. I grew up here, and it would be a shame if people only see the filthy side of it. It's also sad to see all the good reputation that's left for the country being destroyed by an opinion of one ignorant, and sexist, man.
I wouldn't call Bangkok "My city" just because I grew up here. I wouldn't call Thailand "My country" just because my passport says my nationality is Thai. By saying something is mine, it would means that I own the place. Technically speaking, the people here didn't even own the country. The level of patriotism in this country is getting higher and higher every second. We are this close into becoming a nationalist group of intellectuals under the control of the hegemony. To add to that, by saying "our country" indicates that we exist purely depending on them, as in other countries. Ours and theirs. Which is true, no country can exist on their own, even the USA. It's a globalised world, people of one nation is the people of the global nation. Boarders between countries are blurred. Regardless of the different races, we are all people, and we are all the population of the word. If people could stop using "the nation" and "for the nation" as all the reason to persuade people, the world would be a better place.
The island of angels. Bangkok is, to an extent, an island surrounded by the river. In Thai, we call the capital "กรุงเทพฯ" meaning the city of angels. Since the name City of Angels are already been used in LA, we can differ it to the Island of Angels. Do you know that the full name of Los Angeles was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Ángeles del Río de Porciúncula" which is a spanish sentence that means 'The town of our lady the queen of the angels of the river Porciúncula'. Bangkok, or 'Krung-thep' according to the native language, has it's full name as well. The name was so long, we have to abbreviate it to just "Krung-Thep" or "Krung-Thep Maha-Nakorn" (Bangkok Metropolis).
Strangely enough, I can remember all the 65 syllables of the name of Bangkok. It's even longer than the longest word in the English Language, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. I regret nothing.
Lastly, I would like everyone to stop rushing and look around, absorb everything around you. Feel the air, the pollution, the music from the earphone of the person standing next to you on the crowed train. Look around, at the yellow trees, the traffic jam, the mobile screen of someone sitting beside you in a restaurant. Stop rushing. Slow down.
Those who romanticise urban life are those who are not accustomed to the life of urban people.
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